Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it is invisible. Are these women attending your church retreats? Many of them are suffering silently, depressed, isolated, and feeling very alone. Others are some of the wisest, calming, most spiritually beautiful women who will touch attendees at your retreat in ways no planned speaker can. But are any of them coming?
Rest Ministries, the largest Christian organization that serves the chronically ill, took a survey about attending retreats. Out of the twenty respondents, seventeen participate less since they have a chronic illness. When asked why, the responses were as follows:
Three reported, "Accessibility issues (I know I can't easily get to and from different buildings at the retreat)"; 6 people said, "The pain factor. It's just too draining"; 4 responded, "The unpredictable health issues"; and 10 explained that it was, "A combination of the above."
So, how could you encourage these women to get involved again in your church retreat?
1. When planning the retreat ask a lot of questions about the retreat center and promote that you have this information before people register
For example, ask the retreat center personnel about factors such as: Are the hills steep? Are there carts available for transportation? How far are the rooms from the main meeting center? Is there seating available other then collapsible metal folding chairs? What about elevators? One woman shares, "I stopped going a year or so ago because the retreat planner does not tell you what is expected, or about walking, stairs, etc. They need to be more honest." Those with chronic illness typically look for retreat centers held in locations where little walking is necessary and preferably the ground is flat. Large homes or hotels are also good options. While it's easy for a retreat planner to assume that fifty yards is a "short walking distance," fifty steps may be exhausting for some people. So provide the actual distances on your promotional flyer. Don't just write "Rooms are a short walking distance from the main building."
2. Understand that women desire to go on retreats and socialize with others, but they must feel that the retreat planner understands that they will be on their own schedule
Margaret, who lives with a malignant brain tumor and uterine cancer says, "I don't attend because people don't want to understand or accept that sometimes I have to retreat from the 'retreat.' Sometimes I have to go back to my room and get some rest. Other people decide that I'm escaping from my problems, and demand that I participate in whatever event was planned. I'm not trying to be anti-social. I will participate when God enables me to do so; but at the same time, when God tells me to rest, I must rest despite what the [retreat] 'timetable' states." As a retreat planner you can help this by posting the retreat's schedule at least a week before the event on the church's web site.
3. While you are deciding events such as ice-breakers or fun games, make sure there is something that those with physical limitations can participate in if they choose
You may ask those with chronic illness what their preference would be. Many are happy just to cheer on their team, rather than participate in the actual race where everyone dresses up in costumes. Debbie, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome shares, "Unfortunately, I have not been able to find any retreat planners who understand that I am unable to participate, not because I'm uncooperative, shy, or antisocial, but rather because I cannot physically do so; the result is that I do not attend church retreats any longer."
4. Don't gasp at all they pack
All women may have necessities that they pack to make their weekend more comfortable. But for those with chronic illness this may also include: different forms of bedding, cushions for chairs, special pillows, dozens of snacks, pain patches, shades to sleep, and a flashlight and a book to read if they can't sleep. They may bring special water, the biggest pill box of medication you've ever seen (don't comment), and maybe even a service dog (which she should have spoken to you about in advance).
5. Despite your best intentions, remember that she knows her body better than you do, and she's able to plan for her best experience
Riding on the bus with everyone else, for example, may put her in a great deal of pain the entire weekend. So if she requests a ride in a car with a staff member, make that accommodation. If she puts on a headset to listen to music, don't take it personally that she isn't talking. She may need to rejuvenate so that she is able to socialize that evening. She also may need to eat. If she is diabetic, she will likely need to eat small snacks and meals throughout the weekend. Don't tell her, "Dinner it is in just thirty minutes, so please wait so you can eat with us."
6. Recognize that she's not being a prima donna; take her requests in stride
While she may insist that she get the bottom bunk bed and then pull out her own mattress and pillows, it's not because she thinks she is the Princess and the Pea. Some of her needs are likely medical requirements. One example is having electricity in the rooms for people who use something such as the CCAP machine which treats sleep apnea. (Out of 20 women surveyed, 2 of them were required to use one). She may also have medications that need to be refrigerated, and an ice pack won't keep it cold enough. So she may need access to a staff member who can get into the retreat center kitchen. Sheryl, lives with chronic myofascial pain, and she says, "Make sure there are always chairs available for those who can't stand more than a couple of minutes." Although it's unlikely you will be able to see the person's chronic pain, she may not be able to stand more than a couple minutes comfortably.
7. Allow her to keep her illness as private as possible
Marjorie says, "When an explanation is given in confidence, avoid reacting so that everyone present knows that I have a problem." Anjuli, who lives with congenital myopathy (a form of Muscular Dystrophy) agrees. "Don't single me out!"
8. Have scholarships available
Chronic illness is very expensive and most of these women are on an extremely limited budget. Rarely will they ask for financial help to attend a church retreat, however, because they assume someone must need it more than them. Quietly let them know scholarships are available.
9. Put someone in charge of overseeing the needs of the chronically ill
Find your "healthiest" volunteer with a chronic illness, or a cancer survivor, in your women's ministry who would be the staff member to communicate with attendees with chronic illness; one who would try to meet their needs and listen to their concerns. Those who responded to the survey by Rest Ministries still attend retreats and most often contact the retreat director beforehand to talk about health issues they may have. But dozens of other people sit in the benches at church and never consider attending a retreat because they assume it's not a possibility due to their illness. Make a special effort to reach out to women who have a chronic illness by adding an extra line at the bottom of your promotional flyer that says, "Do you live with a chronic illness? We have some special accommodations! We hope you'll make it this year!"
One of the most valuable gifts in our church that we often overlook is the wisdom and joy of those who live with chronic illness and oftentimes daily pain, and love God anyways. September 8-14 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, sponsored by Rest Ministries. It's a perfect opportunity to take a second look at your ministry's priorities and discover who is not being served who could use your encouragement. And don't forget to also include the chronically ill because the church is missing out on their joy in the Lord, despite their suffering. Get them involved in a retreat soon! One of them may just be your next speaker.
Do you have a chronic illness? Get the first 40 pages of "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend" when you sign up for our monthly ezine HopeNotes at http://www.restministries.org/res-ezine.htm Plus find other articles all related to chronic illness and information on National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week at http://www.restministries.org Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries which serves the chronically ill through Christian resources and other programs and support group materials.
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